Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Testify - Part 3 by Jim Holtzclaw

“I’m tired of being a wife and a mother.”  With those words my first wife drove an impenetrable wedge between us and sounded the death knell of our marriage.  Shortly after, she moved out leaving behind me and her 20-month old twin boys.

This time was my personal valley of the shadow.  It is my own private touchstone for pain.  Moving through the pathways of memory to touch that stone is to recall the feelings of desolation, despair, grief and isolation that my wife’s choices caused me and the twins.

The twins are in their thirties.  To this day they will not discuss their mother.

I do not claim to have been the perfect husband.  It may be seen as unfair to include this section because my ex-wife cannot tell her side of the story.  Long after we were divorced, she entered a nursing home while still in her forties suffering from brain damage due to alcoholism.  She remains there to this day.

My point is not to justify me, but to declare the grace of God in the valley.

As Christ has redeemed my soul, Cindy filled in the holes in my heart.  In retrospect, our courtship must have been both painful and humorous to watch.  Two people, both covered in hellish scars from a previous marriage, stepping ever so cautiously, ever so gingerly toward each other.

We went to marital counseling before we were married.  When the counselor told us that we’d be okay and didn’t need to come back, we were terrified.  Are you sure?  Are you really sure?
He was really sure.  So was I. So was she.

Thanks be to God!

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